Tag Archives: Seattle

A day at work in Pandemic Seattle

Part way through packing the ginger sodas.

I’m feeling refreshed after that short break from blogging!

I was recently hired at a local small business called Clēēn Craft. It’s a small business in a restaurant building in downtown Seattle. The job is typical physical labor warehouse work, most my day is spent moving pallets of soda around, packing sodas into cardboard trays like the picture above, or into 4 pack boxes to be sold at stores. Not many places have our product yet since the business is new, but hopefully business will pick up for the Christmas season. My boss has made some deals, but nobody knows what will happen. Add in the pandemic world, and a looming recession/depression and as the Cliche for this year goes… It’s an uncertain world. (Not that the “regular”, non pandemic life isn’t uncertain). For now this is a part time seasonal job with potential for more. I like my job, and my coworkers, and am grateful to work here.

If you would like to help the company I work for, and help to keep my job past December, you can order from our website here: https://cleencraft.com/

Photo from the company instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/cleencraft/

It’s nice to work again, as I haven’t worked a this many hours in a week since January. It’s been rough looking for suitable work as I’ve looked since June this year.

I expected packaging sodas would be like this scene from I love Lucy:

The difference between this scene and at work is that the canning machine is incredibly loud. The machine is so loud that I have to wear earplugs, or listen to music/audio-books. This is a pretty nice perk of the job. I’ve finished a couple audio-books while working. Between the shifts in October and November, I’ve listened to 87 hours of books. Noice!

In reality it’s more like the below gif:

When all the machinery is going smoothly like yesterday, it goes like this:

If the speed is too fast, or i fall behind for a few seconds while stacking the 24 packs of cans onto the pallet, it looks like this:

This hasn’t happened yet, but if say the pressure builds up, worst case scenario this can happen… The last can can cause an avalanche and the soda machine techs have to stop the line:


I haven’t worked in downtown Seattle in a few years, so going to work again during the Pandemic was a double adjustment.

* The following political opinion is my own.*

Seattle pandemic rant:

One is seeing all the homeless living in tents everywhere. It’s an absolute shame that homelessness is still a problem in this city. There are multiple billionaires and trillion dollar companies in the greater Seattle area. And our solution is to round them up and push them away because everyone is too selfish to change our taxes to a fair income tax system from our outdated Sales tax. We as a state could solve this problem tomorrow by having more politicians like Bernie Sanders, but no… Bezos wants to build rockets for space… Which I assume he plans on leaving Earth behind to not pay taxes and colonize mars for Amazon.

Two, it’s tragic to see so few homeless people not wear masks, and act like the pandemic isn’t happening. I mean I get it, as there is no hope from the Federal or local governments that their situation will change pandemic or not. When I see people not wearing masks, it’s like seeing potential covid-19 ghosts.

Third, its infuriating that so many non homeless people are not wearing masks or doing the chinstrap bullshit. I’d say that 80% of people have been wearing masks properly. Probably 70% of those people are giving the 6 feet of distance on the sidewalks. Less so on the lightrail. I’m concerned I might be gambling with getting covid by riding it. Parking in Seattle isn’t possible anymore in downtown Seattle. It simply isn’t there anymore. While a good thing due to the investment in public transportation, its a risk taking it during a pandemic. According to my county public health statistics, the odds of catching covid are 1498 per 100,000 residents. Riding any public transportation is risk for riders health. I can’t afford to take an uber both ways to and from work. So it’s public transportation, or walk about 7 miles. On the plus side, I can get a good workout from this exercise!


Walking home every day is a reminder how fucked up the U.S, and the city government is. And thanks to the asshole republicans in the Senate, and Trump, no help is on the way. Way to hold our politicians accountable in the Senate, America. Having Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as President and VP will help, but the reality is that many more Americans are going to die from coronavirus due to our own selfishness. As a human being with empathy, and a Liberal that has tried to convince right wing people otherwise, this current election is a reminder that all I can do now is watch people die from Covid. That is the message this election sent.

If you voted for Trump this last time, fuck you. I am willing to forgive those that voted for him in 2016, but changed their mind after seeing Trumps selfish and hateful behavior. To vote again for him says that the things he said and done are acceptable morals to have. That those are the values you as the person who voted him have. So, fuck you. You don’t deserve the Covid vaccine. You don’t deserve this democracy, the right to vote, or the benefits of science. Trump made the corona virus a political issue by ignoring expert advice over and over again this year. By voting for him, you said that is acceptable behavior for an adult and a leader of this country. You are saying that it’s okay for people to suffer from illness and possibly die because of your political beliefs. You could have voted third party, or not at all. Instead you chose Trump. I will never forgive you. I don’t give a fuck if you stop reading this blog or unfriend me because of this. I’m not losing anything from my life anyway. Thank you for showing me who you really are behind closed doors.

Maybe… Maybe I would reconsider in the future with a genuine apology, that saying that Covid-19 was not fake, that science is real, and that you have a problem with Fox News. Maybe I’m still in denial that America really is a piece of shit.

Mask up.

January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough… 66 days to go.


Music of the post:


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Anxiety shock

Anxiety Shock: An art piece I created with Tombow green and black markers in 2016. It's my attempt at a tornado style Jackson Pollock piece.
Something I made in 2016… Reflective of how I feel when anxious.

Anxiety Shock

I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be afraid.

Why? It’s Tuesday.

Anxiety? Anxie-day.

The worst possible things have already happened to me. It was my fault.

Zapped of energy, laying on the couch.

A human anchor.

What am I afraid of?

That I’m too old at 34 to be a good human.

That it’s too late to turn life around.

I’m afraid that I’m crazy. When is it a flaw, and when is it mental illness?

I’m afraid that nobody will love me in a romantic way.

I’m afraid that I will hurt someone. That I won’t be able to handle it.


Anxiety is torture because you think the thoughts above… And the following:

I am enough, as I am now.

I am not a victim. I am capable.

It’s not too late. It’s never too late.

You ain’t too old yet.

You’ve been here before. You’ve handled it well, and not. You are learning from your mistakes.

Everyone is worthy of love.

Being worried about causing harm shows you have empathy. It shows that you are considerate of others.

Everyone makes mistakes. You choose whether to learn from it, or not. It’s your choice.


You know, maybe I’m feeling anxious because the air quality sucks right now.

My kitten Coconut has been sneezing through the day. All the windows inside are shut.

Maybe a month left of summer here in Seattle.

The emerald city is covered by smog.

Great… Forest fire smog during a pandemic. This year’s a damn apocalypse bingo.

Last night around 10:30pm, I could smell the smoke rolling in the space between the houses. Smelled like a mix of alder wood and weed.

Fuck it, I want cold rice and pickles.

Yes.

Time for a cold shower.

Song of the post:


The 54321 Grounding Method

Here is a DBT skill I learned this week. It’s called 54321. So you choose a sense: Taste, Smell, See, Hear, Touch, and noticed that number of things in the room around you with the number until you have calmed yourself.

The 54321 grounding technique is simple, yet powerful. Like gradually attaching anchors to the boat, this method slowly pulls you back to earth. 

First, take a moment to become mindful of your breath. Just a few deep breaths invite your body back into the moment, slowing everything down. Then, become aware of your environment.

  • Look For 5 Things You Can See: Notice the wood grain on the desk in front of you. Or the precise shape of your fingernails. Become aware of the glossy green of the plant in the corner. Take your time to really look and acknowledge what you see.
  • Become Aware Of 4 Things You Can Touch: The satisfyingly rough texture of the car seat. Your cotton shirt against your neck. If you like, spend a moment literally touching these things. Maybe notice the sensation of gravity itself, or the floor beneath you.
  • Acknowledge 3 Things You Can Hear: Don’t judge, just hear. The distant traffic. The voices in the next room. As well as the space between sounds.
  • Notice 2 Things You Can Smell: If at first you don’t feel like you can smell anything, simply try to sense the subtle fragrance of the air around you, or of your own skin.
  • Become Aware Of 1 Thing You Can Taste: The lingering suggestion of coffee on your tongue, maybe?”

More on it here:


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

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© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

One vote in Seattle, part 2.

Part 2 of Fridays post (One vote in Seattle, Part 1.) 1976 words.

The 🔥 continues…

I’m trying something different this week with this series of posts. I’m considering to post more often until I get another job. I was reminded today, that the WA primary election is on August 4th, which is 7 days from now. So, my goal is to complete my review of the 37 candidates by then.

Monday was fucking hot. As hot as putting your hand into a 450 degree oven. It was 93F on Monday in Seattle. I believe the hottest day so far this year. So I didn’t feel like doing much of anything, let alone writing… The days in 2020 are blending together. My mom said something about last year earlier today. I said “Last. Year?” What’s that?” With dry sarcasm. 2019 feels like a decade ago in 2020 America. At this point, the only thing that would surprise me would be “First Contact” with aliens. The only small amount of influence I have is to vote. I’m lucky, and grateful to live in a state with mail in voting. It’s so simple, and safe that seeing other places fight against it is like arguing against modern plumbing. Sure you can shit in an outhouse. But why would you when you can go number two inside where it’s far more comfortable and convenient? Utter blasphemy. First world problems, lol.

Anyway, here’s the next 5 candidates running for the Governor of Washington State…

Picture of the voters ballot in WA. Picture focus is of the candidates running for state governor.
37 different people running for governor this year! Progress! And horror because now I have to review all of these! Oof.

To my horror today, I opened my ballot and saw the photo above. I assumed going into this writing project that I could easily knock the hole thing off in maybe 2 posts about 2,000 words. Boy was I wrong! I published Fridays post and realized that Alex Tsimerman’s review was 1400 words! Fuck. I was in the zone in the 8 hours it took to write it. So, I’ll change things up, and keep it brief for each candidate. Here we go…

page 21 of the wa state voters guide.
I feel I waver between the professional and laziness spectrum for photos. Perfect Instagram photos are so boring to me. Life is about appreciating imperfection. Humans aren’t perfect.

Candidate # 2: Phil Fortunato. Republican Party.

Overall impression: Phil’s profile is a standard for a current elected official. Makes sense as he has held office on three separate occasions. I don’t agree with his Republican politics so I know I’m not voting for him. The current Republican politics of America are callous and selfish. Covid-19 is a human survival issue. Wearing masks, keeping your distance from people, and washing your hands is being considerate to your fellow human. It’s about being responsible for your actions. It’s about not wanting to inflict harm onto others. Don’t be a masskhole. Please, follow the guidelines.

Statement Flaws: Community service- Marriage is not community service. Neither is the number of children you have. To imply so is to say that your kids are sex trophies. Now that’s fucked up. He follows that by pimping out his kids military service for his own gain. Wow.

Things that stand out: “You can check my voting record…” Lol, nope. “Now his(Governor Jay Inslee) inconsistent response to Covid-19 has caused untold economic and social devastation to families and small businesses around the state.” I’m going to have to disagree with this statement. On the basis of science and empathy. My fellow Washingtonians and I were right to vote governor Inslee into office. It’s why our total covid-19 case count is: 53,231. Inslee has been proactive, follows expert advice, and took action early. This is so out of touch with reality.

Source: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-updates/cases-in-us.html

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Anthony Bourdain: Chef, Writer, TV travel show host. A role model.

Anthony Bourdain smoking a cigarette from the No reservations era.
Image credit: Here

               

Here is what I wrote about Anthony Bourdain on June 8th, 2018 in a journal entry: Another person I idolized was found dead by his own doing.  Anthony Bourdain, dead at age 61. Bourdain joins Robin Williams, and Chester Bennington as cultural icons that I admired… All dead from suicide. Despite seeming to have it all, none could continue living. Depression makes it seem like it will never go away. Like there is no point to life. Maybe there isn’t, but when in the darkness, you feel the weight of its nothingness. Welcome to the suicide generation…

I tried to write a post on June 8th this year, but couldn’t. Instead I turned to cooking for comfort. I turned my horror at the world that week into a present for a friend. (Which she said was exactly what she was craving… Really chocolatey brownies) Anthony Bourdain ended his life by suicide. A tragedy as suicide always is. I’d rather celebrate his life, his birthday, today June 25th. While alive he taught me through his travel shows how to cook dishes from around the world, and showed me what a big world we live in. To be honest, I haven’t yet read Kitchen Confidential, the book he is most known for, (I finally bought it last night on Audible!)  and which gave him a second career in his 40s. 

He opened my eyes to the world through food. He was no nonsense, tell it like it is, not afraid to swear, adventurous, and compassionate. He could sit down, eat, and talk with anyone from former president Barack Obama to rock stars, to local people in any country.  It’s been two years since he died, and this year is the first time I’m not sad by his death. He was a role model to me. A model of how to be a good human being, a good man, an example that you can be successful from nothing later in life. Him dying, and from suicide hit especially hard because I struggle with depression, and had close calls with suicide before. I hope his tragic death was a wake up call to others who looked up to him, who also struggled with depression and suicide. 

To my friends and family that read this blog: It’s hard to admit I have been suicidal before. It’s not something I wish anyone to feel. Depression is hell. Yet many people struggle with it in silence. I’m feeling like I fit in with the world for the first time in a long time, right now in quarantine, which is strange. All the feelings others are experiencing now… The fear of dying, the paranoia, the fear of the unknown future, feeling confined, trapped, lonely, anger, frustration, and despair is what it feels like to be suicidal. Sometimes my fight with it feels like a Muay-Thai fight. You survived, but I’m sore, worn out, exhausted. But I’m alive. I’m so grateful that I haven’t done it, because as strange and stressful this year has been, I’ve never felt closer or more connected to you and the world. Ironic since we are stuck at home. Therefore I need to apologize. I’m sorry I never told you. That I didn’t reach out in my darkest moments. It’s impossible when fighting it to think of anything else. It creates a dark tunnel where you see nothing else but the void. The hard part is that you “think” you have to break out of this darkness alone when you are vulnerable. Which is a lie. Thankfully I have a therapist I fit with now, which was the major reason I haven’t received the help I’ve needed for years for my depression. That is not having a therapist I click with, or the therapist leaving for many reasons. You can’t do therapy without a consistent therapist, or one you don’t click with like a friend.

If nothing else, in my darkest moments, it’s 1 more reason to live. He taught me that everyone has an impact on others even if it isn’t clear to the person in the darkness struggling with mental illness. It ‘s hard to watch the later seasons of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown because you could physically see the toll on him. Watching his shows helped me become a better cook, a better person, a creative mind I could emulate. Gave me hope that I could still be successful later in life, despite struggling professionally.


Takeout food from Rainer Restaurant tonight. From right to left: Salt and Pepper Prawns, Sizzling Pepper Eel (the first time I have had cooked eel before), and Stir Fried Garlic Ong Choy. Also shown is a pink flower in a plastic planting pot.
I went and got takeout from Rainer Restaurant tonight. From right to left: Salt and Pepper Prawns, Sizzling Pepper Eel (the first time I have had cooked eel before), and Stir Fried Garlic Ong Choy. Everything was delicious! Also, the restaurant was giving away the pink flower in a pot. Guest starring, our messy kitchen table.

My mother and I went to Rainier BBQ (https://www.rainierrestaurant.com/) that Friday for dinner after I found out it happened. The place was filled. It was the first time I had been there before. I ordered the Beef Ong Choy salad, which Bourdain had while filming the segment there for his tv show The Layover some other dishes which were delicious. A person at another table told a server working there about Anthony Bourdain, and she cried. I still haven’t watched the final episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. Thank you Anthony Bourdain. Rest in Peace.

“Maybe that’s enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom…is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.”

― Anthony Bourdain”

Songs of the post: 

On the street by The Stooges

Across 110th street by Bobby Womack

Anemone by The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, comment, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! Please wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19! 

Seattle in June 2020

It’s a rainy June day in Seattle.

Today the grey clouds and rain, a welcome change.

The peace roses outside my window in bloom.

Hues of yellow, cream, and pink.

A welcome break from the police violence.

All the protestors want is to be heard, peacefully.

Rubber bullets, flash-bang grenades, and gas warfare are unnecessary.

Please take off your armor.

Disarm your weapons, throw them to the ground.

March with us. 

I’m at home in my green walled room.

I’ve been too afraid of covid19 to march in protest.

I must manage my mental health.

While an excuse, it’s still giving in to fear.

Fear that if I’m exposed that I will put my older mother in danger of dying because she is part of the vulnerable group.

But that is what the civil rights movement, Black Lives Matter movement is all about.

It’s about showing us white folk the fear, violence, and injustice that Blue folk have been doing to them since America started. Blue uniforms with red on the mind.

Facebook posting isn’t enough.

You gotta show up too.

Voting will help… But that’s months away.

March in June.

In the name of love.


Song of the post, Pride by U2:

Song of the week: Pride (In the name of love) -Live- By U2.


If you enjoyed reading this, give it a like, comment, follow and share on Facebook, and subscribe to my email list!

Don’t forget to wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance from others to fight Covid-19! The facebook page is also what I use to post updates if late, like I was last week.

Brownies for a friend

Slice of delicious Brownies.

Photo from the brownie batch I made for myself earlier in the week.

Brownies

3 cups almond flour (if substituting for regular flour, use 2 cups)

4oz butter (or one stick)

1 cup cocoa powder (The quality of your cocoa powder makes the difference in how tasty your brownies are. I haven’t found a cocoa powder as good as this one yet… https://amzn.to/3gYL6a9

3 whole eggs (2 if using regular flour. Almond flour needs an extra egg in the recipe to have the same consistency)

1 cup chocolate chips

1.5 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

1 Tablespoon vanilla extract

Pinch cayenne pepper

Equipment needed: A whisk, a spatula, mixing bowls, glass 8×8 pyrex pan, a metal pan if using stove melting method.

Start by combing the almond flour, salt, cayenne, and cocoa powder into a mixing bowl.
Mix together with a whisk, or fork.
It needs to look close to this to be mixed properly. It’s okay if there are little chunks of cocoa powder. Mixing properly ensures that the brownies turn out.
Add the eggs,sugar, and vanilla extract into a bowl, and vigorously whip them with a fork or whisk. Unrelated, but also included in the pictured… A dirty cutting board from cooking dinner, and 70% isopropyl alcohol for cleaning.
This is the consistency you are looking for your egg mixture to be after whipping. It should run in a stream like this when lifted from your mixing instrument, in this case a fork.
Add the chocolate chips and butter into a pan on the stove on low heat. The goal is to emulsify the butter and chocolate into a new mixture. You can also do this in a microwave. If you done in a microwave, slowly heat in 20 second increments, stir, then melt another 20 seconds, stir, until it is the same consistency as this picture. Low and slow melting is the goal.
Pour the egg-sugar-vanilla mixture, and the chocolate-butter mix (also called a ganache!) into the center of the bowl of dry ingredients.
Mix the shit out of it with a spatula. Note: if using regular flour, you must be careful of over mixing as the gluten in flour changes the process. Almond flour doesn’t have gluten so you don’t have to worry about this.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F, or 176 C. This is the batter partially mixed.
Your brownie batter should look like this when fully mixed. Before spooning it into the Glass Pyrex pan, spray the Pyrex with nonstick oil spray.
Spread the batter around the pan with your spatula. This is how it looks when ready. Bake in your oven for 45 minutes at 350F/176C
This is how they look, hot out of the oven. To tell if they are ready, poke the center with a toothpick or thermometer, and it it comes out clean, they’re ready. It’s okay if it has cracks like this. Once cooled the cracks should recede. Its important that you allow the brownies to cool for a minimum of 1 hour. Almond flour brownies are much more delicate hot and will fall apart if not given enough time to cool. Its hell when they smell so good, but patience is key.
Money shot at my computer desk of the finished brownies.

A look into America this week…

My neighbors tribute outside her house to George Floyd.

As American as….

    I first must acknowledge that I despise the current format for recipes rewarded by google in food blogs, so I’ll leave this entry after the recipe for those interested in reading it. Gimme the damn recipe, not your story about it. Put it after the recipe. So I will, even if I get less views. Be the change you want to see in the world. I apologize for being two days late on this post.

As a white man of privilege on the autistic spectrum, I only know a little bit about being an outsider, to be considered different from society. I’ll never know what it feels like to be a person of color in America. I’ve been absolutely ashamed and disgusted at America since 2016. Growing up, it seemed like things were finally getting better for everyone in this country. I thought the future was finally here in 2008 when our first black president, Barack Obama was elected. That change was finally on the way. Like many progressives on the left, I was disgusted at the outcome of 2016’s election with POTUS 45. I never thought things would be this bad. 

I’m 34, so the first election I could vote in was in 2004 with Bush v Kerry. I didn’t agree with George W Bush’s policies, but at least he cared about America. At Least he considered the voices of everyone, and reached across the aisle when things got tough. POTUS 45 never  has given a fuck about anything other than himself since 2016. Republicans took their masks off, and fell in line treating him like a king. This is a direct attack to the very soul of being American. Our country is built upon protesting the King of England, “No taxation without representation!” Where the hell is the representation? Seems rich old white men continue to rule the world, while everyone else is supposed to beg for scraps with the government. 


Image source: https://wyrz.org/governor-mike-pence-directs-flags-flown-half-staff-statewide-honor-law-enforcement-officers-killed-dallas-shootings/ Thanks Pence, we can use this image to honor those brutalized by police too!

    “That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.” – Neil Armstrong

This week I have been questioning how I can make an impact. How I can best use my voice to help those that are struggling. It felt like a weight too heavy to bear alone. So, after running into paths that led nowhere, I had to simplify things and recharge from this emotional ride this week. I felt like I had to be there for my family and friends. I didn’t know what to do, thoughts racing, feeling paranoid even going outside at night past curfew to smoke so I could even sleep… When every other self care method I used wasn’t working. I realized that I was overwhelmed by PTSD from this traumatic week. I needed to recharge. Making decisions while angry isn’t productive if you aren’t able to use your anger in a healthy way. 

Sometimes, the answer to what to do is right in front of you. My answer to all this is: Meditation, cooking, music, and anime. All of which are cultural symbols from across the world. I’ve learned from meditation that you can always close your eyes and focus on breathing to calm yourself. To clear your mind of  thoughts. It is our ultimate privilege as the living. Nothing made this more apparent than the murder of George Floyd. Unfortunately kneeing a person on the neck is common practice by police across America, as demonstrated as the protests amped up and police brutality escalated by the worst departments such as the Seattle Police Department.  Maybe all this suffering will finally lead to an overhaul of the American police system. November can’t come soon enough. While dumping the current POTUS will greatly help, even more important is to vote in your local elections. Change starts at the local level, and every vote counts. As broken as voting for president is, it’s still effective in enacting change at the local level. Vote!

Voting info below:

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Blue Sparkly Shoes

My old work shoes on the left, current pair of sneakers I was looking for, and this story happened.

Blue Sparkly Shoes

This story originally posted on Facebook. This is an updated, rewritten version of the post. In early January, I was looking for a new everyday pair of sneakers to use for work. Hard to believe it will be 4 months since it was closed by the corporate owners, and all 30 people lost their jobs at once… 

Like many people I buy most of my stuff online through the Amazon borg. I would prefer to buy shoes at a store, but the past few times I have, the service was awful and the selection limited. For a couple years, I’ve wanted to have blue sneakers that were decent quality and not too expensive. Earlier in 2019, I had a different pair of blue everyday sneakers. Unfortunately, they started to smell like a garbage dumpster, and no amount of cleaning would get rid of the foul odor. I guess that’s what happens when you wear some sneakers without socks during the summer. I made do for months with a pair of red Rockport shoes as seen in this picture:

(Despite this entry being about shoes, I’ve never been someone known for fashion or spending much money on clothes. I lean toward comfort and practicality. Some times you gotta say “Fuck it” and try something out!) 

Usually, Amazon is pretty on point with suggestions and items that fit what you are searching for. I searched: “Men’s sneakers”. I expected sneakers and running shoes. Logical. What was illogical was this pair of shoes….


Actual product description…

The Blue Sparkly Shoes

ON THE FIRST RESULTS PAGE for “Blue men’s sneakers”. So, having normal human curiosity for strange shiny things, a propensity for unique experiences… Yeah, I clicked on them. How could I not?

Inside was further comedy gold. Such as: “FASHION LOAFERS – Less dressy than Bal oxfords, Can be worn with jeans assuming they are casually styled”. This makes a massive assumption. Any casual style jeans? Did the author of the description actually interact with this product?! 

More: “COMFORTABLE – Faux Leather upper plus breathable ultralight soft insole let you feel good and lessen joint impacts” Just, no. You have to focus on maintaining your balance like an ice skater to wear these if not on a flat level surface. 

Continued: “A GREAT GIFT – If you know your dad, husband, brother or boyfriend’s shoe size this will be an amazing gift for them on their birthday, Christmas or any other suitable occasion” Oh lord…You do not surprise men with these shoes as a gift they didn’t ask for. Well, if you want to start a fight I suppose. Lol. 

More from the page… SLIP-ON – they are a product of comfort and convenience. Hahahaha. I supposed wearing these is like wearing high heels. These are not comfort shoes. You wear these to stand out. I’m astounded that women put up with wearing heels every day.

My favorite gem: “for everyday wear and easy to pair up with an outfit; Whether going to a barbeque, wedding, business meeting, or shopping; these shoes can get the job done in style without causing unnecessary pain” I can’t top that with commentary. According to the ad, clearly the shoes can be unnecessary by using them abusively as described here. May cause unnecessary pain by surprising people with them as a gift, by wearing them without accentuated clothes, by lying about how wearing it feels. If you want even more fun, check out the rabbit hole of related products. It gets stranger and stranger the more you search. You too can easily wear 80s pop musician clothes! …Ugh, I just wrote an awesome ad without meaning to.

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