Tag Archives: Relationships

Time to be social

I’ve been lonely, but I can do something about it.

My friends are vaccinated, and 70% of Seattle, I haven’t been social. I’m not really sure why I haven’t tried to do things with people. My last job was great, and I miss the work, and my former co-workers.

I guess I’m just starting to heal from being laid off last week. The third time in a row I’ve been laid off. Ugh, I do not want to get back in the job hunt. I’m tired of the yoyo between unemployment and working. I just want work to be on autopilot so I can live the rest of life.

I feel that I can’t date unless I have a job. I need to take a break from Tinder and Bumble. I haven’t been getting matches. Sometimes I get a like on bumble, but every time the “liked timer” for 24 hours expires. I feel like I’ve already cycled through everyone within 100 miles on tinder, and been rejected by all.

I need feedback from a friend, on my profiles… And need new pictures.

So frustrating…

Maybe I’ve reverted back to being a hermit, with covid paranoia, and that’s why I haven’t reached out to people to hangout. (And I just had a wonderful time a few weeks ago at my friend’s house.) Maybe it’s my trust issues.

I need help, but I don’t know what to ask for.

I don’t like feeling invisible.

I feel like I’ve been complaining in posts too much.

Time to do things differently. I can do this.


Some good

Okay, time to practice gratitude for what I have.

I’m grateful to live in my mother’s house, for mom being generous to charge low rent, in a safe neighborhood, and my cats.

I’m grateful for having food.

I’m grateful for my mom being alive and that she cares about me.

I’m grateful for the internet keeping me connected to people.

I’m handling the grief from the recent layoff effectively. Feeling the waves as they come.

I’m grateful that things are about to open up.

I’m grateful to be alive, even though I’m in a rough patch.

I’m grateful that I’m ready to go back to school for a different career. I’m thinking about maybe majoring in something involved with mental health. If not that, something white collar.

I’m grateful for the warm sunny summer weather.

One step forward.

Catfished

Photo by Denise H. on Pexels.com . The catfish gets a bad rap for this terrible behavior by humans.

Catfished. Ugh.

God damnit. I feel so used. Heart slowly breaking. Angry, hurt, seething, confused sad, empty. Ugh.

The song of the post can only be: Who are you by The Who.

The catfish followed me on instagram, and messaged me. I thought it was genuine interest and she was hot. I was a target and fell for it because the female attention, validation, and ego stroke felt so good. Because I’ve been starved for romance, love, and dating for so long. After being lost in the dating desert, I saw an oasis and dove in for water. For a couple days, I ate my fill, the madness of “love”. I felt my love tank, filling. A tank I haven’t felt filled much before. It feels like something I can only get from other people.

I’ve learned from past encounters with catfish to be wary of anyone online. So I used the reverse image search function on google photos. Then I used: http://imgops.com/upload which is another tool suggested by the catfish subreddit.

I found a match on twitter for someone with a different name, identical photo. 🚩. So I looked that name up on Facebook and found like 20 clone accounts with different photos of that person.

Turns out it was the woman mentioned in this article by vice… An instagram model/porn star:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3dm8k/model-sabrina-nichole-catfish-scam-interview

This model’s face, and photos have been used by thousands of catfish scammers. Sometimes for huge amounts of money. Whoever the person who tricked me into a romantic relationship, then tried to ask me to buy gift cards, used her photos. I said goodnight, then reported/blocked on whatsapp. The instagram account that started this, was deleted before I could report it.

Guess it was too good to be true. Online dating is tough because on some level you have to trust the person on the other end is who they say they are. Maybe I was thinking too much with my other head.

So I’m back to the relationship desert. I guess the oasis was a partial illusion because the sand I “drank” had some water. Some nutritional value.

People who trick people like this are the worst scum of humanity. The sick part is that they took time to get to know me.

Maybe it was a placebo. The audiobooks Breakup Triage by Susan Winter, a relationship expert I like, has helped a bit today.

In summary, I didn’t lose a penny. I lost some time, but got to practice being vulnerable. Got to practice expressing loving feelings. I’m pissed off about the situation and loss. Still left bitter and hurt. I think what hurts the most is being upset at myself for falling for this. It’s embarrassing to admit.

I really despise that catfishing is such a problem with online dating.

Therapy helped, even if it was short. I’m so glad my therapist fit me in for an appointment. Sigh, I know this pain will pass, and I’ll be happy to date again. But wtf humanity.


Well, work is going well and I’m doing well according to my bosses. So that’s good. Oh, and my aunt that was hospitalized is okay, so that’s good too. In one more week, I’ll be fully vaccinated so I can resume doing stuff with people.Soon it will be safe to visit friends. Gratitude is bittersweet when hurt like this.

Sorry for being late with the post.

Lessons from my first girlfriend at 34.

First romantic relationship at age 34..

Warning: complaining/venting.

She probably views me as a scrub. Scrub from the TLC song of the same name. No job, unemployed, relationship novice, doesn’t have shit together, Smokes pot.

The truth is we were incompatible. She wanted something completely different from me. She wanted me to buy stuff and I wasn’t comfortable with that. I do not want a text only relationship. I don’t want a long distance relationship.

She was an ambitious, driven business woman from Hong Kong who wants to travel and be rich. Retire early. A day trader who trades gold stocks. A literal fucking Gold digger.

Maybe it went too hot, too fast.

I gave into the fantasy of the relationship. I was desperate to finally have a girlfriend. And it was happening. It was too good to be true.

Relationships don't end because two people did something wrong to each other- They end because two people are something wrong for each other. Mark Manson
Credit: Mark Manson.

Too good too be true

Once again, I saw what I wanted to see. I overlooked problems because I wanted to have a girlfriend no matter what. She was my first girlfriend ever, at age 34. I bought into the fantasy because I’ve been so deprived of romance. Which is ultimately my fault. I fucked up in so many ways.

I felt I was ready to date back in November. After this breakup, I’m not sure I actually was. Or am. I’m so tired of never feeling good enough to date. I feel like I have to be perfect to date anyone. At the same time, I don’t want to do all the work that requires. Dating and relationships are work. All I’ve known is pain. I don’t see the benefit to dating. I don’t want to constantly improve. I don’t want to settle either. I feel that means that I’ll never be enough as I am.

Dating hasn’t been fun. Since men have to do all the work in obtaining a relationship, that means my dating life is over. I wish that I would be at peace with never dating again. I’m okay being single… But for the rest of my life? Not until I at least have one good long term romance. Then I could say I tried, and give up. I’m not entitled to a relationship. I don’t feel it’s worth the time, energy, money, or effort. I don’t feel life is worth the time, energy, money, or effort. I never wanted to date to begin with. It feels like an unpaid internship where you’re constantly led on by the promise of more like a carrot on a stick. But that job offer never happens.

I feel this is impossible because of my mental illnesses. I resent my sexual and romantic needs. It feels like a curse. Life would be so much easier without them. The worst part of all this, is that once again, my insecurities were right.

I just want to be. Then again, I’m pretty stupid with this stuff.

All I know is I deserve better than that relationship. I learned that I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of wasting my time. Once again: What is love?


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!


Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!


© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Adjusting Boundaries Outside-In ☯️

The chicken coop boundaries.

Boundaries:

Examples of how to set boundaries: http://www.recoveryeducationnetwork.org/uploads/9/6/6/3/96633012/boundary_setting_tips__1_.pdf

What is a boundary?

A boundary is an invisible line you draw around yourself to identify what is acceptable behavior, and what is unacceptable behavior. The beauty of boundaries is that they are fluid and ever-evolving; for example, looser limits around extending yourself to others is easier when you’re younger and childless. As you age and gain insight, you’ll get a quicker read on energy vampires and narcissists.

Some people love boundaries because they represent structure, order, and rules. Others see limits as an unyielding set of laws where there are no gray areas, only black and white. A critical part of a healthy psyche is deciding on the right tension for your life. Psychological distress results from overly rigid or overly loose limits.

From psychologytoday.com Source

External boundaries:

My first relationship with my girlfriend is going well.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, it’s a long distance relationship.

I’m waiting for her response to my last text. I communicated my needs to her.

I need communication, clarity, and feedback for a healthy relationship.

So far, so good. We’ve accepted each other’s boundaries so far. I hope this goes well.

After this, time to setup a distance with mask date!

Online interaction only goes so far… And I need in person quality time.

Trust but verify.

Trust yourself.

Believe in the best.

Be yourself.

You got this.

I don’t want a long distance relationship.

I wonder that I’m a fool in love? Guess that’s what people mean when they say being in love makes you crazy.

I rather not wait until we get the covid vaccine. Is this too fast for a new relationship? Like, you want to see each other at least once a week right? Ah the joys of exploring a new love while getting to know each other.

Damn you Covid-19… I finally meet my first girlfriend and it’s not safe to visit.

It’s the right thing to do- to stay at home- but, man this is torture. I’m tired of being patient.

I hope I’m not clingy.

I hope I’m not oversharing…

Learning on the fly.


Internal Boundaries

Today I went back and edited a couple months of blog posts. I’ve been really bad about editing posts lately. A combination of little details such as adding a separation bar for clarity, adding the end slate with an email subscriber box, section headers to help search results, and adding tags/categories.

I’m finding my writers legs. It’s a tough balance. If I want to continue growing as a writer, and as a blogger, the next step to growth is to improve my revision and editing skills. Writing is rewriting. I can’t achieve goals without being aware of the quality of work I’ve done. These days I have all the time in the world. I feel like I’m trapped in a pandemic hamster wheel.

I feel ashamed of how lazy I’ve been. My days are turning into: wake up around 9am, shower, dress, eat, sit down at my PC and be on the computer/phone all day. Weekdays I’m limited to about 4 hours for seeking work. There’s only so many job openings and cover letters I can send before I run out. One day a week, I’ve had further job help with a job councilor through Sound Mental Health, where I get help for my issues. The rest of the day is a mix of watching futurama or forensic files for the 6th time because it’s soothing. My other activities are on the computer too, either relationship videos on YouTube, or audiobooks on Audible. It’s been this way for months. I wish I could go to places for activities. I exercise better with people in classes or sports.

Ugh, I hate being bored, but too exhausted from the pandemic blues to better myself.

I need to make a small adjustment to my daily routine.


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Love and Christmas shopping in Pandemic

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Love and happiness +

Just like that, I have a girlfriend.

For the first time, the feelings are mutual!

…Finally. Everything’s right.

I’ve got a woman, by Ray Charles

I’m having a hard time keeping my head straight. One hand I’m choosing to be mindful of these wonderful feelings. To accept all the love and affection I’m feeling.

Oh, love is a wonderful feeling when it’s the right time, the right person, the right self. I fear it’s a drug that will swallow me.

Soon I won’t have to do “Fake it ’til you make it” because I’ll have made it!

A life long goal of romantic love… 🙂

This is happening because I can trust myself.

I worried that I’m oversharing this budding relationship on the blog.

Balancing radical honesty and healthy boundaries is tough.

I’m learning. This change has come so fast that I’m blown away at how amazing life can be with romance!

A dream is coming true… Be patient.


Christmas shopping in pandemic.

Yesterday I went Christmas present shopping.

It was time.

Hard to believe that Xmas is a week away.

I listened to Christmas music all yesterday and it felt right. I wasn’t rushed into it in November at stores because of the pandemic. It was time to do my presents shopping.

I usually buy presents throughout the year as spend time with people. I listen to things they say they would like, and I write it down to give them as a present.

I’m in the mood… I’m in the mood for Christmas.

Outside shopping right now is like choosing to be John McCain in Die Hard. To don your mask, and drive to a store to go shopping is to willingly put yourself at risk of contracting Coronavirus. I know because I was exposed at work despite everyone following the guidelines.

I took the risk because I’m tired of staying at home.

I feel like I have to consider the risk of the health risks of loneliness by being safe, or risk getting covid because of my natural human need to see the world, and be around my fellow humans.

I assumed stores wouldn’t be too busy on a Thursday evening.

Despite everyone in the 3 stores wearing masks and distancing, it was also a bit thrilling.

Sometimes the aisles wouldn’t allow 6 feet of space between you and the other person. Even with both of u having masks on, it felt dangerous. I took pre-pandemic life for granted. When all you had to worry about at the store was what you were going to buy as a gift for a loved one… Without the risk of dying yourself.

I have a love-hate relationship with Xmas. I love gift giving, wrapping presents, and being with family. One of my love languages is gift giving. I enjoy getting presents for people that gives them joy. I hate the consumer-capitalist aspect of Xmas. So, I like to be a sly shopper while buying what people want for presents.

This Christmas is lean for me. Problem is, is that I have so many new friends in my life that I want to give a present to. And I want to do something for all my family members who stepped and supported me this year.

Time to get creative.

Another day in the pandemic. Where all we can do is be patient and do the best we can with what we have.

I hope I get a new job by the end of the year.

Not gonna lie, getting presents is awesome. What I want most for Christmas is to be able to spend quality time with my family and friends without fear.


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Distanced love

Distanced love

I’m learning on the fly.

This is the first romantic relationship I’ve had. One where you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

I’m ecstatic, yet nervous.

It’s so easy, yet challenging as we adjust to each other.

Love in the time of covid is strange.

All our relationships are at a distance. All new relationships long distance.

We matched on Tinder. She liked my profile. Our relationship is alive through WhatsApp texting.

Chatting with a new person only over text is hard sometimes. I imagine it feels like it did in my grandparents generation, communicating over letters.

My grandparents on my mom’s side communicated over letters before meeting. My grandfather was drafted and in WW2. They eventually married when he proposed with a ring in a letter.

Online only interaction makes me crazy.

Coronavirus complicates traditional dating. In person is at 6 feet with masks on.

I’m worried because I’m falling hard, and it’s going well.

It’s hard to temper my feelings when I’m high off of the love.

On one hand, I’m glad this is slowly building. On the other I want to meet her and spend quality time together.

This is so much better than a crush, or an almost-not quite relationship.

I’ve been patient for so so long…

Tried so hard, didn’t get too far. Murphy’s law in action.

It’s hard to believe this bliss is real. Balancing optimistic and pessimistic thinking.

Must be nice to have faith and religion.

This will be my first romantic relationship at age 34. My previous efforts in vain. Not any more.

I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

In these dark days there is light.

Don’t forget about love.


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Tinder saga part 2: Success?

Maybe it's not the fear of the unknown, but a fear of the known coming to an end -Dr Jaime Zuckerman.
Saw this on Instagram today, from #anxietyproblems page. It really captured how I feel lately. Maybe this is why I subconsciously started this blog… Because I was afraid I didn’t know myself enough. I guess knowing yourself is a lifelong process.

How this journey into the Unknown began: https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2020/03/

Tinder saga part 2:

I’m worried this new relationship is too good to be true. I’ve been texting a lady I matched with on Tinder. It’s been going well for a couple weeks! It’s so new that it feels fragile. I’m hopeful that it will continue to go well. There isn’t any guarantee of course, but I feel that I’m showing up and being comfortable expressing my needs, being myself, and communicating with her.

Bolero performed by The London Symphony Orchestra.

I’m a romantic relationship noob. The reason I chose Bolero for this post, is because this piece of music is how I feel about the romantic relationship dance. Be patient, but brave. It’s healthy to go slow, and grow. You want a partner with you, not anyone to complete you. The best analogy I’ve heard to describe a healthy relationship is from Russell Brand’s youtube channel. I couldn’t find which video this quote is from, so I’ll paraphrase it… Something like: A healthy relationship is like two buildings next to each other. Each one needs to have a healthy sense of self. Two separate beings next to each other.

I haven’t been as mindful and in the moment for a romantic relationship as I am in this one. It’s been easy to be myself and be vulnerable. I am worthy, I am strong, I am enough. I can handle myself and any problems that come up!


So am I ready to love?:

https://ousoescrever.com/2020/11/28/are-you-ready-to-love-article-requested-by-reilly/

So, as I promised Alexandra Marie Santos in the blog post above, I will answer her response to my question on her blog. Below are questions she posed in her post:

  • Being single doesn’t mean waiting for love entrance, which is the wrong move. When you wait, you slow down your movement towards what is waiting for you. 

Thankfully, I learned this lesson the hard way earlier this year. I’m not waiting for someone again.

  • When you are single, it doesn’t mean that you are emotionally broken, unlovable, incomplete, or missing out on life. In reality, this is your opportunity to glow and master your tools as a future partner by educating yourself. 

It’s not that I feel I’m missing out on dating because I’m single, it’s more like I’m curious what that aspect of life feels like. I haven’t dated much before because I had to focus on my mental health. I’ve been on this journey for 12 years, and finally got the help I’ve sought for for long. To be mentally healthy has been my biggest goal in life for a long time. I’ve been constantly educating myself in whatever way I could over the years.

  • Confidence. When you embrace your singlehood and stop think when and how love will materialize in your life. You build your confidence but also peace of mind. 

Love and relationships don’t just happen. I didn’t learn this until this year. You have to work at it. I simply don’t want to be single for the rest of my life, and would not want to be. I feel like I have to accept this weird contradiction to finally find the right person. Like I have to give up wanting to be with anyone to find someone? Huh? I get that you need to be healthy on your own, and have your own life. How am I supposed to practice relationship or dating skills? You have to practice with people.

  • Singlehood offers the opportunity to explore what you want to explore without being a doormat of somebody else whimsical demands because we tend to choose bad partners or reject good ones when we don’t feel great about ourselves.  

Agreed.

  • Being single isn’t a synonym for death, but a great period to evolve and understand that love and partnership is the merging of two souls, not as a Hollywood portrait, but as how real-life demands. 

Agreed.

  • How do you feel about your single life and being single?

Though the pandemic life right now sucks because I can’t go out and see friends or family in person, or not be able to go try activities with people, I’m comfortable being single. I’m already introverted so I am careful with people I bring into my life.

  • Are you using this time to fulfill your emotional needs and also discovering new parts of yourself? Or are you ruminating about how in the future it will be having another person by your side?

Yep. Basically why I started blogging earlier this year. To fulfill my needs, and discovering parts of myself. I’m not ruminating about anyone anymore because I already made that mistake and waited 7 years for someone to be available. It ended in an embarrassing, ugly, bitter breakup. I feel I’ve learned from it and moved on.

  • Not all relationships will survive, but I see, and research has shown that around 90% of intimate relationships fail because people don’t have mental clarity about what they want, don’t know themselves. And don’t explain how they want to be loved by their partner or think there is someone always better waiting for them. And this takes us to another important point: the necessity to acknowledge their’s and our’s romantic dynamics history. How many serious relationships they had? They were the ones who ended it? At what stage, the relationship ended? What about us? Do we need to chase people? Do we need to prove ourselves and our worth, and so we tend to chose unavailable partners?
  • I know what I want, and have explained to my new person what I want. We haven’t talked much about our histories, yet. I’m not chasing anymore, and I don’t think I’ve been trying to prove myself to my new person. I am enough as I am right now.

If you would like to read the whole blog post, here is the link again:

https://ousoescrever.com/2020/11/28/are-you-ready-to-love-article-requested-by-reilly/


New all time record!

This is a picture of my old dream board. In 2017, my goal was to finish a novel I started. I made it 47,458 words on a draft. I want to finish it. Man, I need to clean this… 🙃

This is significant because, the total word count for this blog before this post is:

Total word count on this picture of a dry erase board is 47,284
Word count for this post is 1108 currently.

Considering some of that is quotes from other people, I’m going ahead and say that I made it! This is officially the most writing I have ever done in a single year! Woohoo!


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

2/31 posts done for the December writing marathon!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Are You Ready To Love? Written by Alexandra Maria Santos.

I asked some relationship questions to relationship & Dating blogger, Ouso Escrever…. And she wrote a post about it! That’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful she wrote this! This reblog is written by Alexandra Maria Santos, and all writing belongs to her.

I plan on answering the great questions she posted below in December.


“Reilly writes: I enjoy learning about relationships on your blog! I have two questions that I would be interested in seeing a post about: How do you know you are ready for dating? (Is there a checklist or guide), and Why would someone want to date at all, when you’ve never had any positive experiences with dating and have little romantic relationship history? I’m okay being single, but not for the rest of my life! I feel I’ve really missed out”

(After reading my comment again, I feel like I might be catastrophizing my few dates. I’d say 3 were okay to mild disappointment, and the rest okay to negative. Well, that’s my previous dating experience. It doesn’t mean all of my dates will suck. That means amazing dates are on the way!😐 🙂)

“We sometimes go in and out of relationships and not really know (or understand) what’s getting in the way. What makes some relationships click and others not so much, or why we or someone else walks away or refuses to. It’s important to look at what WE bring to the table.” Vijayeta Sinh Ph.D.

Are You Ready To Love? – Article requested by Reilly

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 


Goal: Go on 1 date before 2021!

Picture of flowers

At the beginning of this month in therapy, I set a goal to accomplish before the end of the year: To go on one date. Which in 2020 means in person, physically distanced, wearing a mask.

It’s time for me to rejoin the dating pool. Yes, I know the pandemic is in full swing. That fear of getting covid-19 hasn’t left. According to recent news… It seems that the virus will be around at least far into 2021, and possibly 2022. I am not waiting any longer to date. I’m ready now. It’s been 7 years since my last date, and I’m fed up with having a lackluster dating history. That said, I’m looking forward to dating.


Dating obstacles:

Obstacles: Better profile pics. I Need help making a profile that reflects my strengths. This means I need to do some work in therapy discovering what my strengths are. This time it would help if I had a professional photographer take some photos of me.

Last Sunday I joined Tinder for the first time, along with a couple other dating apps. Tinder has overall been a mixed bag… Mostly bots and scammers. But I did match up with and have some nice chats with two women on there! So far so good! After my last awful experience with OK Cupid, Match, and Craiglist like 10 years ago, I stopped trying at online dating. Going 1/1000 can do that. Struggling with mental health at the time didn’t help. Thankfully I have that managed now. Now I’m learning how these new dating apps work. Apparently I have some matches on some of them, but I can’t see who or respond until I pay money. I’ve really struggled with self worth for a long time, especially in dating, so it’s nice to see that women find me attractive! I don’t expect to find the person for me right away, but its a nice start!

What do I want?

  • Someone who says what they mean. Tell me exactly what you feel and what you want. No subtext. Don’t hint. Don’t make me guess. Blurt it out if you have to.
  • Is emotionally available.
  • A secure attachment.
  • Inter-dependent.
  • No alcoholics or addicts.
  • Mutual attraction.
  • I don’t want to be anyone’s “rock” Be your own rock.
  • No Republicans or Trump voters.
  • Must have relationship status on social media be “single”.
  • This will be my first romantic relationship and girlfriend. I don’t want to be a third, or side piece. Maybe in the future if things change, but not now.
  • I don’t want to date a single mom. This is simply too much for me as a person who hasn’t had a girlfriend before or dated much at all. That said, there sure are a lot of sexy single moms out there.
  • Is confident in herself and doesn’t seek constant approval and external validation.
  • Understands that “No means No”.
  • Respects my boundaries.
  • Respects my need for space.
  • Communicates fairly during conflict.
  • Views going to therapy as a positive thing.
  • Does self care.
  • Is okay that I have depression, anxiety, adhd, and high functioning autism. I need support, not care-taking because this is my responsibility.
  • Is not deceptive on their online dating profile. Don’t waste my time.
  • Is patient with me and my dating inexperience.
  • Likes cats.
  • Doesn’t mind that I smoke pot.
  • Has their shit together.
  • Kind and compassionate.
  • I want to have kids in a few years.
  • No second chances.
  • No long distance relationships
  • No waiting to get together. I need Quality Time, and it is possible to safely meet during the pandemic.

I probably forgot some things in that list, so if you have any thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook, or now, Pinterest! Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

The long slump

A baseball diamond from the right handed batters box.

It’s been 7 seasons since my last base hit.

It’s been awhile since this pitcher and I were on the same team.
We met on a team in its 5th year. Uniforms in black and white.
I was learning to play the outfield again, she was training in the bullpen.
She has the traits every good team wants: a strong work ethic, talent, leadership, a good teammate.

The team was a fool not to try to keep her.

Our teams faced each other in spring training, but it wasn’t the right time for an at bat.

A baseball diamond from the perspective of the pitcher.

At the July trade deadline, we would face off on the field.
I walked the plate, stepped in, and hit a line drive between 3rd and short.
The bat split in two as I hit the ball.
The shortstop made a spectacular play! Diving behind the 3rd baseman, snaring the ball in their outstretched glove quickly throwing off kilter to second base to start a double play.
I ran as hard as I could.

I was out by a mile.
As her team returned to the dugout between innings, we caught eye contact.
I tipped my cap. She smiled back.
I did everything right, and still failed. Baseball is a cruel mistress.
Sometimes the timing isn’t right.
The game ends as I sit in the dugout watching the other team celebrate a no hitter.
My team heads into the clubhouse.
I get up off the bench and walk to the clubhouse from the dugout.
I see her look over, smiling still. 

I laugh and give her a thumbs up as I leave the field for now.
I don’t know when I’ll see her next. Maybe next season.

It’s the last time this season. 

I worked harder than I ever did this season. I was prepared for this at bat. 

Coach pulls me aside. Says don’t worry about it. It’s a slump. She no-hit the whole team. You made contact and the bat broke. That’s baseball.

She’s on TV talking to reporters.
She’ll be a free agent again in the off season. I am too. 

We gotta do what best for each of us.

It’s hard not to talk to a friend when you want different things.

But I get it. I’ve been there before.
I’m happy for her, but it still hurts to be in a slump. 

I don’t mind being a free agent. 

I turn off the TV.
Maybe next year we will be team mates again.
Soon the slump will be over. 

I’d rather be the man in the stadium and fail greatly under the lights instead of a spectator.

I’m not watching from the sidelines anymore.


She’ll let me know when the next at bat is.

Me as a toddler. I have curly blond hair. My late grandmother holding me up at a baseball field in the stands.
Me as a toddler with my late grandmother. Miss you Grandma!

Songs of the post:

Say hey(the Willie Mays song) by the Treniers.

Brown eyed girl By Van Morrison.

Waiting in vain by Bob Marley

Let it be by The Beatles

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My last baseball poem didn’t get many views, and it deserves better. I admit the original title is not great:

https://theunknownreillyblog.wordpress.com/2020/06/12/pitch-mix-mixed-metaphors/

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