Tag Archives: growth

Correction: I’m taking a 3 week break

I feel I posted the last post too soon, and I over reacted. I don’t want to be impulsive like that, so I feel this is a reasonable compromise.

I do need a long break, but not like this. Therapy will help. A longer break to allow me to focus on improving my personal life is just what I need.

I need to reconnect with offline life, family, friends, and myself.

Thanks for understanding.

Another lay off 🤬😦🤦/The Mirror

Itll be good to get a haircut and beard trim. I could lose some weight too 😜 😅

This post was written in pieces through this week and I had a different plan in mind. Friday at the end of work changed it.

Layoff number 3 in a row.

First reaction in my head while learning about the layoff.

Unfortunately I called it before it happened. I saw the signs… Grim face on my boss after he read an email on the PC in the work area… A mysterious announcement at the end of work, then, calling people one by one to meet with them. All signs I saw before at my last two jobs, which I was laid off from. I happened to be the last to find out as I was the last person called in.

I think I had a good poker face in the exit interview. Kept it professional.

3 lay offs in a row… Really life?

I’m fine. Or as my family joked after dad died: Fine = Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. Fuck. It’s painful to be laid off as is. 3 times in a row. 🤬 My emotions are a raging torrent inside. I dunno if I have it me to work another two weeks. It ain’t like they (former employer) treated me unkindly… –Like the lyric from Don’t think twice by Bob Dylan– But I have limits. I recognize that the wound is fresh, and I’m hurting from this loss. But I feel this would be self harm. I deserve better. I refuse to put up with people or things that hurt me.

Unfortunately, there aren’t that many cannabis job postings for the same job in my area right now. So I’ll give this employer one week because they’ve been good to me. I have a barber shop appointment at a place close to work. I have unemployment left, thanks to the extensions.

Maybe I’m handling this situation calmly because I’ve set appropriate boundaries with work. It’s a conditional relationship, and a capitalist relationship. I have to do what’s best for me as a worker, because we are replaceable. I don’t have to show up tomorrow if I don’t want to. I have FU money. (Well, poverty level FU money. 😅 I wish I had rich person FU money, lol )

For the first time since last year when I chose values for myself, I am in a values conflict. So I’ll work one more optional week because it helps me grow as a person. This last week showing up with my best for someone else will help my future self show up best for me. I deserve it. I deserve to be treated well, and treat myself well.

I have one job lead for a cannabis retail job, but it’s not ideal. I am grateful for this from my friend Chris. Retail work is not something I’m naturally good at. Extraverted jobs are a natural weakness for a typical introvert like me. (Correction: two job leads. My cousin that I consider my older sister… Needs my help next month. The job is to help her with my aunt’s house. )

Maaaaan… Things were starting to look up, so being laid off is frustrating. I feel betrayed by my employer.

But… This quote from Models by Mark Manson (who quoted this from No more Mr. Nice guy by Robert Glover) has been playing in my head since Friday:

“What if it (any difficult situation in life) was a gift?”

Robert Glover, No more Mr nice guy.
I hate this quote at times because I’m tired of “losing” in work.

The Man in the Mirror

I’m not satisfied with the reflection of myself right now. That’s on me. I can do better, and I want to do better. This is from a position of peace of mind, not insecurities. I want to have the best possible life I can, for me first, then others. I am enough. I can do better, too. I’m ready.

Despite the chickens dying last week, life has been pretty good. Pretty much sleep, work, eat, play with cats, smoke a bowl of pot, go to bed early because I’m tired, sleep.

Ready to integrate, to have a social life again.

An in person social life. It finally feels safe to hang out with people. I’ve been fully vaccinated for a month, yet still hesitant to reach out to friends while also feeling lonely. So, two weeks ago, I set up an appointment at a barber shop. It’s the first time I’ll be going to one, and the plan is to get a professional haircut and beard trim. I haven’t had a haircut in over a year, and frankly look like a scraggly hobo. I don’t like feeling this way.

I’m feeling over cutting my hair myself. A plus of the pandemic is that I learned that I like having long hair, and a long beard. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be worried about my appearance, and how great it feels to look the best you can. I deserve to treat myself and take care of myself for myself first, because I’m worthy. Get a goal, I get to practice self care, get to practice feeling enough, and I get to go out and socialize with new people in a new place. My future self will thank me.

Figured out new things to work on myself

  • Professional Haircut and beard trim. (Tired of cheap cuts and the inconsistency)
  • Clothes. I need to sort through what I have. I’ve remembered what it felt like to dress well, and feel proud of myself for it.
  • Hangout with friends and meet new people.
  • Need financial advice for my plans to get a car, and move out likely to an apartment.
  • I’d like to join an ultimate frisbee group/team. And/or a muy tai gym… I enjoyed some muy tai classes last year with my brother and a friend. (The obstacle to this is if they’re open now, and if they require being vaccinated. I don’t want to risk getting covid in an enclosed space grappling with people who aren’t vaccinated.)
  • Go out into nature. Like once a month. Hiking or whatever.
  • It’s been years since I last saw a game in person in the Seattle stadiums. I haven’t been to a Seahawks game at Lumen field before. Been like seven years since my last Mariners game. To be fair, they’ve sucked for years. Being a Mariners fan is painful at times. I’d like to go to a Seattle Kraken game this season. They’re a new expansion NHL team, and this is their first season. I don’t know much about hockey, so this will be fun to learn.
  • Want to get my first tattoo. Then see how I feel about another after some time. I’ve wanted to get a tattoo and had it in the back of my head for years.
  • And of course, dates and dating. I’m getting used to the reality that this is a marathon. I’m not perfect and that’s okay. I’m okay with self improvement.

The next step: change from a pandemic hermit.

So, back to dressing well to feel good, get a new look, do activities that interest me, and learn to be a friend. Back to the self work I had as a goal before the pandemic.

It’s time to see friends, and lead by example. I have to follow through on reconnecting with all the people in life. I miss many people, and the pandemic really clarified what I will have with boundaries and values.

Saturday update: I went and hung out with my friend Chris at his house. It was a wonderful time. It was a cookout for his birthday, so we smoked, I met a friend of his, and his gf, and we chilled. They have 4 dogs, and two cats, so I got to visit them too. It felt weird going to an indoor place without a mask, even though everyone is vaccinated, but after a little bit it felt normal. It felt good to be comfortable with friends again. Oh yeah, and he had Pepsi Blue! I thought it didn’t exist anymore, but it does! So I drank 3 sodas while hanging out Saturday. It was like drinking a time warp to sophomore year in highschool. When I’d drink this after snowboarding.

Monday edit: How could I forgot to mention… I got to meet my friends infant daughter. It was the first time in my life where I was able to interact with a baby… Without the baby being forced on me, or I’m guilt tripped for not wanting to hold the baby. I like and am good with kids. Don’t force it on me. One, it crosses a boundary by entering my physical space, and Two, I want to experience things in life on my own. I don’t have to have the same experiences my parents had.

So, this nice experience with my friends daughter helped me with this.

Feels weird to think that I can resume a social life. Today, I feel like a massive weight was lifted. I’m not feeling lonely as I have felt for a while.

Friends are awesome 😎.

Now that things are safe because people are getting vaccinated, and in person activities are resuming, so shall I. My future is outside, in the world.


Some dating success

I’ve been texting this lady for a couple weeks. I’ve asked her out for different date activities, but she’s been busy. She’s sent pictures (and I’ve found no signs of a catfish yet), and been responsive to messages when she has time. I’m remaining hopeful for the best… While being cautious to protect my heart. I’m showing up, being vulnerable, and growing from past mistakes in this dating phase. I am enough. I am worthy.

Losing my job is frustrating because I feel like I can’t date without a job, but maybe that’s just insecurity. Maybe this person will be the exception and not dump me.


I’d like to give a special shout-out appreciation to the WordPress community, and fellow bloggers. You’ve been an awesome support since the beginning. I’m so grateful for you. Thank you.

And as always, Thank you everyone who read this post, and follows this blog! Was there a time you looked at yourself, accepted who you were, and knew you could do better, for you?

Beginnings, Middles, Ends…


Beginnings

For my entire adult life until like April of this year, I was ashamed at my sparse dating experience. I felt my shame was obvious to everyone else, despite me never telling anyone in person. I felt safe to in the anonymous false comfort of Reddit and other message boards. Now, I think: Fuck it. It is what it is. I’ve come to terms with it. I can’t change the past, and I’m not starting from zero. I do have experience, and knowledge about relationships and dating. The few times I have been in the dating pool, I’ve learned each time. In the past year, I’ve grown so much, it’s like I got a college degree in that stuff.

But ultimately a degree is an ending and a starting point. The whole point of learning anything is to use that information in the world. Though I’ve changed for the better, I’m still afraid. Afraid of rejection. I’m afraid I’m not enough. Last month, I paid for a month of Tinder and Bumble and not much luck. I’ve gotten a handful of matches, but only one conversation went somewhere with a real person. Fucking catfish.

Which, when I told her that met someone (the catfish before I figured it out), and wished her luck. I got an amazing response back, which was heartwarming. I’m not sure I want to reconnect yet… My heart needs to rest.

To be fair, I feel my dating profile might need improvement. Therefore, I have room to improve as a person, as a man. Thanks to stuff easing up, I can go out and do activities in person with vaccinated people. Online dating is ruthless with men because we outnumber women by a ratio of 2-3 to 1… So you really need to stand out to get noticed. Finally I can have fun and get pictures. By living life for the sake of it.

I have a day left on Tinder premium and it feels like all the women are blending into the same person… Highly active who lives outdoors outside of work, drinks, doesn’t want a hookup while having multiple pictures with cleavage or lingerie , has a blank profile, lists their instagram, their dog is their baby (To be clear, I like dogs. but the obsession and pictures they choose with their dogs is unsettling.). The worst is when they match after I like them then never respond.

Technically I’m in the middle of my dating journey and that’s enough. I guess I assumed I would have this stuff figured out by now at 35…

Everyone starts somewhere. I’m in the process of figuring it out.


Middles

I feel I’ve entered a transition period in my life. As of last week, I’m fully vaccinated, been at my job for a month and thriving, and things are starting to open up again. While the CDC lifted the mask mandate for vaccinated people, I’m going to continue to wear a mask until 80% of the US population is vaccinated. This year has taught me that you can’t trust people to do the right thing in America. The pandemic isn’t over folks. Be safe, for the children who are waiting to be vaccinated, and those who are medically vulnerable. Please, Get the covid 19 vaccine folks.

It feels strange emerging into the post pandemic world as a privileged vaccinated person. I do want to see friends again, but still paranoid of getting covid-19 from other people. Even if we’re both vaccinated. While I’m treated for the virus, I haven’t recovered from the side effects of the PTSD from the pandemic. I can thank my past recovery from PTSD for this. Without that, I’m not in the dark and can work through each stage of the grief.

I’ve had trouble writing posts for the blog as I’ve adjusted to my job. Thankfully, it has a consistent schedule, I am good at the work, I know what to expect every day, and I like my coworkers, but it takes time to adjust to new routines. Sorry for the missed posts and random post times. Things should get back on track soon. It’s been a big adjustment from being unemployed and having time whenever to write, to working full-time again.

I’ve been thinking of trying something different with the blog. In the about me page, I said that I want to write fiction, to publish a novel and/or a screenplay, and recipes. So far posts have been heavy on my life, and I feel I need to write about something different. Those things were put aside in 2020 because I felt the need to work through the difficult things going on in my life. In this new stable period of life, it feels like the right time to work on those again. Which seems to be a theme in life right now.


Endings

I had my final therapy appointment this week, meeting my therapist for the first time, for the last time, in person. All of the therapy appointments for the past year plus have been over zoom. On my desktop screen for a good part of the pandemic 2020, then on zoom through my cellphone screen. 14 months working together, during the pandemic over the internet.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, connect me to zoom. I have therapy in 5 minutes…
Photo by Max Vakhtbovych on Pexels.com

We met at a park after work. It was warm and sunny, and it many people were out on the large path. It was the first time I’ve walked along that park, and it was lovely. Most people were still wearing masks, and it felt like I was baring cleavage by not wearing a mask, despite being vaccinated. Having an outside therapy appointment was a little weird but okay for a final meeting. It was a review of our time together, how far I’ve come, and where each of us are going from here. It was nice to be able to hug her as we met, and as we left to go our own ways. I said “Thank You” one last time. I’ll forever be grateful to her. Thanks to her I was able to trust therapists. I was able to experience for myself that therapy does work. I was able to not be terrified that she would leave out of the blue. Unlike doctors or any other specialists, you can’t change them often. You need to be able to trust that your therapist will be with you working on your issues for a long period of time. Often several months for each thing, after you’ve built trust.

I’m slowly realizing that our time working together is over. All this happened at a good time. It felt like a natural transition. We were in a spot where I was figuring out what to work on next in therapy.

I am in a really great place in life because I chose to continue on. and gave therapy one more try… Despite being letdown or heartbroken in my quest to get it. I’m not used to feeling proud of myself. I still feel weird expressing myself and who I am. I have things to work on, and will work on for the rest of my life like everyone does.

I may have been unemployed, and looking for employment, but my actual job last year was as a person in therapy showing up and doing the work. I didn’t waste the precious time I had last year.

It was a bittersweet end. Once again I’m without a therapist. I’m so grateful that I had her help during this time. I hit rock bottom last year, and the pandemic made recovery worse. I’m here today better than I’ve been in years because of therapy. That said, I feel I have quite a bit to work on myself.

This sucks because I feel isolated again. As an introvert, I am comfortable being by myself and doing things. But I do need connection with others. I don’t feel like there is anyone I can talk to emotional things about. Because of the pandemic, it feels like all my friends are online. I’m limited what I can share with my family. Not everyone is safe to share emotional or personal things with. Or it’s a spectrum and maybe the things that are bothering are things they don’t have the professional training to help with. I kinda trust myself and working on this. It takes me a long time to trust people. By default I don’t trust people.

It comes to me that writing this is ironic because I’m being vulnerable as I write this.

I’m in insurance limbo again. While I’ll have health insurance with my job, I don’t know what the plan covers. I’ll likely have to pay for meds and appointments with the plan, because it’s a private plan. Worse than WA Applecare. Then I have to find a therapist who offers appointments after or before work, then, a therapist I click with. 🙄 Man I hate American healthcare.

Maybe not the final therapy appointment with my (previous 🙁) therapist, but this is an ending.


Betty

Betty the chicken died in the night on May 9th. She was 6 years old.

I wrote on Facebook:

Looks like Betty the chicken doesn’t have much longer. I had to pick her up from the run outside the coop, and place her inside for the night. The younger chickens were perched inside ready to sleep. Poor old girl couldn’t make it. I think she knows too from the look in her eyes.

I said goodbye that night. Told her she was a good chicken, and I liked living with her.

Betty would hang out with us outside whenever my mother or me would sit outside on the deck. Or the chickens would follow me inside as I took out the trash and recycling. Chickens are a nice companion. Rest in peace Betty.

Mom buried her in the dirt in the coop area. She asked if I wanted to be there, but I declined. I had my time with her the previous night.


Epilogue:

I’m looking forward to getting a haircut and makeover. My hair and beard are out of control 😅. It’ll feel good to get a professional cut.

I wonder if I over share with these posts… Or the right amount to find people to connect with?

My healing journey from now moves from the mental space to the physical space.

A Week complete!

Man outside waking stairs to a bridge

The first week at my new job!

This week I started a new job as a Processor at Walden Cannabis. Working in the legal weed industry is like a job in a warehouse where you process and package food in bulk. It can be repetitive work, but isn’t so bad wearing headphones and listening to stuff. I’ve been catching up on audiobooks, and listening to music. It’s minimum wage work ($16.67, which may sound like a lot but not really in Seattle.), but the company offers benefits once I hit 3 months. I also get paid based on how much I produce daily based on a unique point system. So far I’ve been keeping up with other coworkers. I’m a little anxious about future performance reviews because I haven’t had this before in the workplace, and college was so long ago. It’s been 15 months since my last 5 day a week full time job, so this new lifestyle is a dramatic change. From sitting at a desk staring at a computer screen, at home with cats, occasionally with mom working remote… To starting at weed, trimming each piece, and sorting as usable and grinding material, sitting in an (uncomfortable) office chair with coworkers.

The only problems with this job are tiny: The chairs we sit in are really uncomfortable, and the workspace is cramped. I believe, based on the faded sign out front, that it used to be a auto shop of some kind. Maybe two cars could fit in it bumper to bumper.

I like my coworkers, I like my job, and I have experience doing this work. I don’t know my long term career plans, but that’s okay. That isn’t anything new, and what’s important is that I have something stable finally. This company has been around since pot became recreational in WA state around 2012, and they have been expanding, so those are good long term signs. There are many possible futures opening up. I could stay here and learn on the side, rise up in the company, or go back to school for something else. It’s nice to have possible options. The goal for now is to be mindful and live day to day. To do my best these next three months and lock this great opportunity down.

Getting this job means I had to change my therapy appointments. My therapist has been great with this, fitting me in at the end of the day. It’s frustrating how a huge portion of available therapy appointments are during the day shift. Maybe this is different outside of the US. In the past, I was able to do therapy when I worked restaurant night shifts, or when I was unemployed. I can’t afford to take an hour off work on minimum wage. I could do appointments at work… But my current workspace is tiny. Even though everyone has headphones on, and a bluetooth boombox is on during work, I don’t think that would be enough privacy for therapy. I dunno.

One day at a time.

One step at a time. It’s been 14 months since the last full time job, 13 months since the pandemic began. Gotta remember to be patient. My goals of getting a car, and moving out are in progress. Maybe it’s time to slowly test the dating waters.

It feels good to have a full time job that has pleasant coworkers, and work Im familiar with. A set schedule. With this, I can build a foundation for the life I want. I’m so grateful for all of this.


For the first time in years, I’m excited about the future.

Life isn't sunshine and rainbows quote from Rocky VI
Love this classic speech from Rocky VI. I’d add that sometimes you need help, and that is healthy to do. I’m winning because I keep moving forward. Last year I was knocked down, and barely got up at count 9 of ten. (Boxing reference) A year later I’m back in the ring, ready to fight.

Song of the post: Harder, better, faster, stronger by Daft Punk

Glimpse of a future

Had an in person interview yesterday

It was the longest interview I’ve ever had. About 80 minutes long. It was the first in person interview I’ve had since October last year. And as has become custom in the pandemic, wearing masks and distancing. I was there for an experienced joint roller job at another local cannabis company. This type of job is a classic productive warehouse/small business work culture.

One of my biggest weaknesses in life is selling myself. It’s not a natural thing for me. It’s completely artificial because the world demands you sell yourself. Because humans are in competition with each other to survive. This is an issue I struggle with in job hunting and dating. I feel I’ve learned enough over the years from google how to perform well in interviews, how to write your resume, and how to write a cover letter. I don’t enjoy doing these things. I’m not a people person. With interviews I want to get it over with as efficient as possible. I’ve mainly been an entry level worker, so a long interview isn’t necessary.

Edit: Had a friend remind me of important detail I forgot to mention. The company is successful because so many people working there are happy and been working there for years. I didn’t know that this friend works there! I guess I have been overthinking this.

Maybe this is a red flag. There were positive things my interviewer mentioned about my resume and cover letter, and my responses to his questions. He gave me helpful feedback on how my resume could be better, and specific things he liked. Something has been bothering me about this experience since.

I’m nervous because if I’m hired, I feel I really have to bring my best to work every day. I got the impression that speed and production were important values for my potential boss. It was a very thorough interview… Which put me a bit off because of the total pay/benefits for an entry level job. I understand you want productive, hard working, committed workers. 80 minutes for this level of job is weird. Hm.

I started to think: “Is this how it will be every day working here? Constantly challenged to be more, to be better?” “Maybe I’m not productive enough yet. Do I really want this lifestyle?” “Am I really the best person for this company?” “Is this impression from the interview be a reflection of working here?” Maybe I didn’t represent myself accurately and was people pleasing again.

Will this company, this job, match my values and potential future I want?

Being at a competitive possible cut throat place could be good for me. It feels like years since I felt like I had something to prove or want to compete. For a long time, I’ve been stuck in survival mode. My worry is that I won’t be able to keep up. I wonder if I would actually be able to keep up under close scrutiny. Maybe I could grow in ways I couldn’t elsewhere.

I dunno. Maybe this change in attitude came from my pessimism about capitalism. “Competition” for workers in my experience usually means “easily replaced”. He said the most of the employees have been there for years, and the ones that haven’t are new hires due to growth.

Do I really want to spend 40 hours a week here? If I’m wrong, I could lose unemployment. I felt I handled the interview well. Is this good anxiety grounded in reality? I hope my worries are a hold over of unhelpful learned patterns. Hope for the best, expect the worst… A survival mindset.

The take away no matter what happens when I find out late next week is: I’m ready for more in life. I’m ready to figure out my future.


The little things I have to give up to be working

Playing with my cats at anytime of the day.

Coco calling me to the living room to watch her play, or have me play with her.

Coco coming into my room, to my feet, looking up at me, dashing up me like a ramp, and standing on me to snuggle. Pressing against my face for lovies.

Visiting the kitties as they sleep in the sun mid day.

Eating whenever I feel hungry. (Though the consequences have been massive weight gain.)

Being able to sleep until rested.

Being able to cook whenever and whatever I want.


Song of the week: Under Star by Shocking Lemon. From the anime “Hajime no Ippo”

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A Step Forward

Despite recent posts being “down”, I’m doing alright.

“To learn patience is to rebel against every hardship.”

Henry Nouwen.

So, about 2 weeks ago, I quietly returned to the dating pool. Which for the time being, is online dating. Yeah, I have work to do on myself. Yeah, I’m unemployed and looking for work. Yeah I rent from my mom. So what? I don’t like it either, but I’m working on improving these things. I’m worthy, I have good things I can offer too!

I find myself discovering what I want from a future partner by browsing people’s dating profiles. It’s helping me to discover myself and the life I want.

I’m getting better at my worst life skill, dating! Yay!

Social skills aren’t a natural strength for me. (I’m a classic introvert.) That said, the pandemic has tested my limit for being alone. Turns out I do like being around people, and not being a complete hermit. Some is cool.

Lately I’ve been dreaming of the day covid is over because everyone’s vaccinated. For the first time, I want to throw a big party to appreciate everything I took for granted because of the pandemic. I look forward to do activities in person again.


Dreaming of the future

I feel I made a breakthrough on Monday. It feels like a combination of many little things. I’m grateful to achieve this! My hard work in therapy is paying off! Seems a higher dose of buspirone, the anxiety medication I take, and doxepin for sleep was just what I needed. I felt tired and out of it last month because I was recovering from poor sleep for so long. Nothing like waking up rested, and dreaming again.

What I want to do by this time next year is to move out. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for years, but life kept getting in the way. Finally it feels like life is turning around. The next step is to get a job, then figure out the long term career problem. One step at a time.

Gotta celebrate each step forward along the way!

I wonder what the future will bring?


Listen to your emotions & Forgive yourself.

From Pinterest

It’s been an up and down emotional week. Life has gotten in the way, and taking extra care of myself has been the first priority. I’ve been doing better since Sunday, but still having trouble writing. Which happens whenever depression or anxiety overwhelm me. I feel I’m entering a new phase in therapy and life and it’s difficult. As change is. So, I hope these infographics from Pinterest helps someone else going through the same stuff. I’m new at forgiveness, especially forgiving myself for bad decisions I’ve made. I’m working on it.


-This too will pass.

I let Coco out during the snowy weekend and she tried to escape! She was fearless despite the snow being 26 inches!

Reality Check

A broken mirror... A reflection of me right now.

Reality Check…

It’s time to get my shit together, or I might lose my girlfriend.

I need to get a job.

My inner alarm blares.

I’m not sure what else I need to do. Applying for work, tailoring my cover letter, and updated my resume. I want to work. Being unemployed lost it’s appeal in the summer.

I’m frustrated…

This year feels like the post 08 recession job market.

I don’t want to be taken care of.

I am responsible for taking care of myself.

What am I missing?

Dammit, I’m tired of entry level work. It’s such a gamble to find great jobs. (I’d settle for any acceptable work at this point that doesn’t require a car.)

I need to step up today.

This is not who I dreamed of being when I was a child. (Then again I don’t remember having a specific dream adult version of myself.)

It’s time I figure out who I want to be.

How I give back to the world, with the abilities I have.

I’m not in survival mode any longer. No more excuses.

Good job on this achievement! You do it. You are doing the work. Keep at it. Continue to celebrate each success along the path of life.

Time to be a adult. One day at a time.

You can do better than right now Reilly.

You got this. Keep at it.

Break the chains, break free.

The persistent win.


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Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19!

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Adjusting Boundaries Outside-In ☯️

The chicken coop boundaries.

Boundaries:

Examples of how to set boundaries: http://www.recoveryeducationnetwork.org/uploads/9/6/6/3/96633012/boundary_setting_tips__1_.pdf

What is a boundary?

A boundary is an invisible line you draw around yourself to identify what is acceptable behavior, and what is unacceptable behavior. The beauty of boundaries is that they are fluid and ever-evolving; for example, looser limits around extending yourself to others is easier when you’re younger and childless. As you age and gain insight, you’ll get a quicker read on energy vampires and narcissists.

Some people love boundaries because they represent structure, order, and rules. Others see limits as an unyielding set of laws where there are no gray areas, only black and white. A critical part of a healthy psyche is deciding on the right tension for your life. Psychological distress results from overly rigid or overly loose limits.

From psychologytoday.com Source

External boundaries:

My first relationship with my girlfriend is going well.

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, it’s a long distance relationship.

I’m waiting for her response to my last text. I communicated my needs to her.

I need communication, clarity, and feedback for a healthy relationship.

So far, so good. We’ve accepted each other’s boundaries so far. I hope this goes well.

After this, time to setup a distance with mask date!

Online interaction only goes so far… And I need in person quality time.

Trust but verify.

Trust yourself.

Believe in the best.

Be yourself.

You got this.

I don’t want a long distance relationship.

I wonder that I’m a fool in love? Guess that’s what people mean when they say being in love makes you crazy.

I rather not wait until we get the covid vaccine. Is this too fast for a new relationship? Like, you want to see each other at least once a week right? Ah the joys of exploring a new love while getting to know each other.

Damn you Covid-19… I finally meet my first girlfriend and it’s not safe to visit.

It’s the right thing to do- to stay at home- but, man this is torture. I’m tired of being patient.

I hope I’m not clingy.

I hope I’m not oversharing…

Learning on the fly.


Internal Boundaries

Today I went back and edited a couple months of blog posts. I’ve been really bad about editing posts lately. A combination of little details such as adding a separation bar for clarity, adding the end slate with an email subscriber box, section headers to help search results, and adding tags/categories.

I’m finding my writers legs. It’s a tough balance. If I want to continue growing as a writer, and as a blogger, the next step to growth is to improve my revision and editing skills. Writing is rewriting. I can’t achieve goals without being aware of the quality of work I’ve done. These days I have all the time in the world. I feel like I’m trapped in a pandemic hamster wheel.

I feel ashamed of how lazy I’ve been. My days are turning into: wake up around 9am, shower, dress, eat, sit down at my PC and be on the computer/phone all day. Weekdays I’m limited to about 4 hours for seeking work. There’s only so many job openings and cover letters I can send before I run out. One day a week, I’ve had further job help with a job councilor through Sound Mental Health, where I get help for my issues. The rest of the day is a mix of watching futurama or forensic files for the 6th time because it’s soothing. My other activities are on the computer too, either relationship videos on YouTube, or audiobooks on Audible. It’s been this way for months. I wish I could go to places for activities. I exercise better with people in classes or sports.

Ugh, I hate being bored, but too exhausted from the pandemic blues to better myself.

I need to make a small adjustment to my daily routine.


Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates! 

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

Remembering Flip.

Flip in his prime, and the best photo of him.

To Flip:

A year ago on 12/18/20, I had to put my 18 year old kitty down. He couldn’t drink water, eat food, or void. Ge couldn’t bathe. His kidneys had been failing. The poor baby couldn’t move around, and his meows… A weak squeak. Despite his health problems he didn’t want to leave my side. So I helped him get on my lap or on my bed. His name was Flip. He was my best friend since I first met him at age 16. He was there every day through the hardest years of my life. And his death marked the beginning of a new chapter of life. he taught me about unconditional love. Loyalty. Patience. And eventually how to love again after devastating loss. Though I never wanted him to leave, Rest in peace Flip. I’ll always love you. Fly on my sweet Angel…

Me sitting on a lazy boy chair with cats Flip (left), and Tip (right) sitting on the chair arms.
My favorite picture of my kitties Flip, and Tip. Such good boys.

Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it, please give it a like, tell me what you think in the comments, and share on Facebook. Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list for updates!

Please wear a mask outside that covers your mouth and nose, wash your hands, clean your cell phone, and keep your physical distance (6 feet) from others to fight Covid-19! 

© Reilly Anderson. 2020. All rights reserved.

December blog marathon posts:

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