It (was) so Hot out… It was so hot that I couldn’t write. It was a record high of 108 outside.
Thanks for being patient with me with this post. Between the heat and adjusting to starting a new job on Monday this week, I’ve been distracted and roasted. Imagine if the temperature changed by 50 degrees. Ugh. When will all these freak weather events due to climate change be enough? Everyone in the US has been affected directly in some way, yet Republicans refuse to vote for it. Despite Biden winning the 2020 election, Congress won’t do much because the Senate is split 50-50. Climate change scares me.
I feel like I’m roasting in an oven. Like I’m an egg sizzling in a pan, spreading out to an amorphous blob. The temperature rose like 20 degrees from a comfortable 70s average to the 90s. I checked the weather, and its a low of 74 to a high of 103. (Ha! It kept rising!) 7 days left to go on this roast of the west coast. The beginning of the end of humanity as Climate change gets worse. Nothing existential about it.
It’s been 19 days since The Walden cannabis job. It lasted two wonderful months. I was just starting to feel comfortable and confident about myself at that job. It was nice to feel good about myself because I’m good at trimming weed. I like working in the legal cannabis industry.
Yeah, it’s minimum wage, but it’s usually Monday – Friday. I know what to expect when I come to work. I need consistency, schedules, and routines. It’s helpful for my social needs to be around coworkers. After years of “good enough” or struggling in jobs that don’t suit me, I feel I’ve found a place I fit in. I liked the people, the company, and the job. Shame it ended how it did.
Ended with a layoff. Number 3. A layoff strikeout. Struck out looking. Life goes on.
want need to move. I’m psychologically stuck here. This house, Mom’s house feels like a prison. The neighborhood the prison yard. I don’t want to live with my mother anymore, and wanted to move away for a couple years. I need to be independent to grow. Nothing wrong with the house, neighborhood, neighbors, or Mom. It’s simply not my life anymore. This place has too much of the past. I need a fresh start.
It’s too damn Hot out!
I stepped forward regarding grief from events in 2020.
One event: the breakup. I blogged quite a bit about it last year. What a mess. I’m at the point where I’m utterly embarrassed at my behavior. All because I of my own emotional immaturity. It’s something I’ll always have to work on to be a better person. In the past two months, I’ve finally reached a point of healing where I’m seeing all the events from her perspective. Thinking how it would feel if these things happened to me. I’d view me as a crazy person who only cares about himself, too immature to talk things out, and respect her as a person by giving feedback. It was fucked up for me to promise an apology then not do so. I was and still am so “done” that part of my recovery has been to integrate this with the past crush love obsession to be a healthy person.
What a creep I was. I was crazy. I’m disappointed how it ended, but all I can do is to continue to learn and improve. I truly regret what I did, and how I acted. It won’t happen again. Look how much progress I’ve made.pp
Life moves on.
It’s going on 9 months since my grandfather died, and there hasn’t been a funeral. The state just opened up this Wednesday so, I’m hoping that happens soon. I also have regrets about that relationship with him, that I could have done better by visiting more than I did the past 6 years. I visited him once in person last year, and once on zoom. I’m grateful I had that time with him.
I work at the company Fire Bros as a weed processor. Started on Monday. I applied about two weeks ago, had an interview, and they hired me on the spot. It’s a good place to work. It’s a legal weed company that sells top of the shelf quality. It feels like I’m working in a weed museum with the trimming area being a white walled room that is air conditioned. So, its a cool 67 degrees while we work. That was welcome relief on that scorching Monday. Despite all my experience with trimming weed, I felt like I had to make a mental adjustment to be good at my job. A mindset I haven’t felt in a long time, and that is: quality over speed. You have to be gentle and precise and the key is to snip as little as possible. Surgery over landscaping.
I find it thrilling to work for a company that strives to create the best products on the market, and has a positive work environment. 25 more days left in the trial period. I think I’ll feel secure here in 4 months. Hopefully that fear is just anxiety.
It’s nice to come home from work and not be tired. I’ll have energy to have a life outside of work.
Thanks for reading!